What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 05:49
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why is that Hag Hillary Clinton so quiet these days? She is the dog that isn't barking
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
How do police officers feel about the fear they instill into criminals?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Who is the most dangerous or evilest person of all time?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
It was going to be , some day.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
What's your favorite stupid joke?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My life is so biszare .
Can ringing in the ears be a sign of spiritual awakening?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Why didn't people like the Game of Thrones ending?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What is the most memorable thing that happened in your college days?
I will be 64.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I could never make a relationship work though!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im still living with it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
When she asked me how she looked .
And i lived it daily.
Was to survive, this bastard.
This is soul school!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She found it foreign!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I said to her
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it wasn’t much.
One cannot live in the past .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Comes on , in middle age.
I don,t even have a pension.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was seconnd youngest,
I write beautiful poetry .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As i do to all so called friends.?
So whats the point in blame.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He knew the spot.
Why did i forgive my father ?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I think the readers, may guess!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She loved him until the end.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So, i spoilt her more .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She wouldn,t have been !
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Who then, do I blame.?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was 9 years of age.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I never cut or harmed myself..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
All the time i was locked up.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Put me off passion for life!!
But, we were locked up after school.
We were not on the streets..
I have no regrets .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Ive learnt so much.
I was scared of men, in general
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
What did i know ?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We all went to grammer schools
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Would this be the day?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She married twice! .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My family never makes their pension either.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I waited trembling.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She was in good health!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was very sick at this time too.